We all go through tough times throughout our lives, and even when there's nothing 'technically wrong,' we can sometimes feel low or unenergised - because we're human. There's a communal pressure that exists around us to feel guilty if we're not A-OK 100% of the time and it's really important to me that we break that stigma down.
We need to teach ourselves and each other that it's okay to get tired, or feel the pressures from work or from juggling life's responsibilities - we're allowed to be sad when we can't see people we love as often as we'd like to, and it's okay to sometimes just feel down.
When we allow ourselves to feel what we need to, we can process it far quicker because we're actually being brave enough to honour those feelings rather than suppress them. This in turn allows us to return to an equilibrium, a balance of emotions, that draws us to new perspectives and mindsets that will enable us, rather than hinder us.
A really great way that I try to regulate my ever-fluctuating emotions is to keep my focus on the little victories - as Sam calls them. And, before I go any further, I want to highlight that i'm still learning how to do this. Lots of the time I still don't quite manage it and the weight of the world wins. But we get to achieve and enjoy little victories multiple times a day - they just fail to mean anything if we don't give them meaning. And at the end of the day it's those little victories that come together to create your life on a daily basis - it's those things that impact the way you see things, how you interpret things, the way you react and respond. It's all rooted in your perspective, and being able to get as excited and feel as grateful for all those little things helps you to make the most of your life every single second - not just when something hugely brilliant happens. You're wasting your life if you're waiting for those moments. Make those moments happen every day by giving meaning to those little victories, because the more meaning you give each one of them, the happier and more inspired you will feel.
You can't feel sad when you're radiating appreciation. It's one of the few times two emotions genuinely are mutually exclusive. The two energy frequencies of those emotions are not a match. And if you're feeling one, you cannot feel the other. That can be a source of tangible motivation for you to use when you have down moments. Use that as momentum to shift your entire thought patterns towards appreciation, to feeling grateful, and those low vibrational emotions and thoughts will begin to dissipate. Not disappear, but dissipate for sure.
That's the real big thing for a lot of us when it comes to motivation because it's such an abstract thing, and therefore it's normal to struggle with holding ourselves accountable. But luckily, there are ways we can, and in order to do that we have to create tangible milestones or bullet points we can use as goals - goals that become achievable and tangible in themselves because they're now measurable to us. We can quantify them.
So how can you begin developing or creating these 'tangible' or 'achievable' little victories?
Well, i'm going to talk you through what my experience looked like recently as it has helped me to shift to this 'little victory' mindset - I hope my personal insight will be a source of inspiration for you to help you find and focus on your own victories.
My Little Victories Context
Sam and I are back to work now and after months of giving 150% he became Restaurant Manager yesterday! This is something he's wanted for a while, he's definitely earned it, and I could not be more proud. I am so excited and so happy for him because I know he deserves it and he will do amazing things now he has the ability to make decisions. The restaurant (and therefore company) will benefit massively because he's a fkn superstar at what he does.
As with any promotion, he will be taking on greater responsibility and in this case slightly longer hours, too. And whilst it largely doesn't impact us in terms of the time we get together, it means i'm probably not always going to be able to stay up and wait for him to come home each night like I have done because he might be later.. and I have to be up at 6:45am for my work.
So I got a bit upset last night simply for the fact that I know i'm going to miss him. We have always been very good at prioritising each other and making time for each other, so I know getting upset about it is a bit silly because no matter how different our work schedules are, nothing will change between us. We will continue to make time for each other and continue to flourish and grow and be together in all the ways we want and need to be.
Today was the second day that I kissed Sam on the cheek and whispered I love you while I crept out hoping not to wake him. And it makes me sad I can't speak to him or bring him a coffee in the morning, but then I catch myself because actually, i'm still living my dream. I get to wake up every morning next to the man I love. I have the privilege of living with him, and leaving him in our bed as I head off to work, knowing that he's safe and resting - a thought that makes me happy because i'm with the type of person who works hard and gives his all. Just that simple act of shifting my mindset from feeling fed up and sorry for myself to one that is grateful I'm just with him, changes everything about how I feel and probably how my day will go. Because I AM grateful I get to wake up next to him every morning; just as I know that he is grateful for being able to come home and crawl into bed next to me when he gets home late after a long shift - even if I am asleep. It's all about perspective and staying rooted in that gratitude you have for your life.
We are also so very blessed that we work about a 7-minute walk away from each other in the hub of the city. There are an abundance of coffee shops, restaurants & eateries between us which makes meeting up during our breaks almost too easy.
Today, for example, Sam arriving into the city for work coincided with my lunch break so we met for a coffee. We had about 20 minutes together and it meant everything - it completely changed how I felt. I felt fragile today, but being able to walk 3-minutes down the road and see the person who makes everything feel ok in the middle of my working day.. to be able to have a little cuddle and a kiss and to talk about things we didn't have a chance to yet.. to make time for each other is what makes long lasting relationships, and also adds that extra ounce of happiness to a day.
Beaming on my walk back to work, I texted him.. and his reply is what inspired this post.
Us meeting for a coffee is a little victory - but it feels like a huge one because it means we got to see each other today. We both give so much meaning to those interactions, to that time because it changes everything for us. Instead of feeling like I'm going to spend everyday missing him, I find gratitude and excitement in the knowledge that I get to share my lunch with him, or grab a 15-minute coffee to simply BE together. These aren't big things, and they don't sound like a lot, but that's the whole point of what i'm trying to emphasise - we have these little wins multiple times a day and we just fail to be grateful for them. And it's time that changed.
How many little victories can you think of that happened to you today?
Maybe you ran for a bus and the driver saw and waited for you. Maybe you said hi to the same security guard at the entrance of your building that you see everyday and it brings you a little bit of joy. Perhaps you got the last sandwich in the shop that you wanted. Perhaps a friend reached out to you. Or you packed a coat and then it rained.
There are SO many ways to pinpoint little victories in every aspect of your life - if you start looking for them, I PROMISE YOU you will not be able to stop finding them.
Gratitude is contagious. Once you consciously decide to find reasons to be happy, to feel appreciative and blessed, it will feel like you are attracting more good things. But the truth is you aren't. The same amount of 'good things' or 'little victories' happen to you as before, the difference now is that you notice them. And you're grateful for them. They no longer slip by unobserved because you give the little things meaning. Allow yourself to draw in these feel-good moments and learn what it means to love your life.
I would love to hear about your personal little victories, so reach out to me if you have some inspiring thoughts to share! You can find me on my social platforms or reach out via email - don't be a stranger! Let's connect; maybe meeting each other will be one of our mutual victories of the day!